Bless Us
by Cofkett
Summary: Castle Winter Hiatus 2014/2015 Ficathon Entry. Beta-read by Shutterbug5269.


**Based on the prompt: Sitting on the swings in Always, Kate is visited by 3 "ghosts" that help her decide her future (Think "A Christmas Carol"), taken from the list of AU prompts on the Castle Ficathon's tumblr.**

Beckett didn't have any idea of where her feet were taking her until she got there. When she did, she almost laughed. Of course. Where else would she go?

She'd spent what had felt like hours wandering the city in the rain. The certainty she had felt as she had dropped her badge onto the Captain's desk escaped her now, not because she had any regrets about quitting. Her job was the last thing on her mind. The first thing - the very first thing, above everything else, which plagued her every thought - was Castle, and what she should do next. He had made it very clear, in no uncertain terms, that they were done. Should she respect his decision, or keep fighting for him, for them?

She sat down at the very swing on which she'd sat almost a year earlier when she'd told Castle that she wouldn't be ready for a relationship until her wall came down, the wall she'd built up inside of herself the day her mother had been murdered, the wall that had kept her at a safe distance from anyone who dared love her since that day. It had seemed completely infeasible to her at the time she'd told him about her wall that it would be possible for that wall to come down while her mother's murder remained unsolved.

Now, though, as she stared at the empty swing next to her, she wondered if that was still true, if that had ever actually been true. Was she ready to move on? Was she ready to give her whole heart to Castle? Was she too late? Something was different now. She'd felt it when she'd been hanging off that roof, she'd felt it in Gates' office and she felt it now as she wished Castle was here beside her.

She'd loved him long before today. She'd wanted to be with him well before tonight. However, something had changed. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she saw things differently now.

She was lost in thought at first, so much so that she failed to notice a shadowy figure approach her. She looked up to see someone getting closer and closer. She stood up.

"Hello?" she called out into the darkness.

The figure said nothing, only continued to walk in her direction. For a moment she panicked, worrying that Maddox had come back to finish the job. Then, she realised it was the silhouette of a woman, not a man. Was it a homeless person, maybe?

She was about to run - she had no real authority, now that she was no longer a police officer - when the woman was close enough for her to make out her features.

No, she thought in disbelief, refusing to accept what her eyes were telling her. No fucking way.

That wasn't possible, and yet a part of her, the part of her that was still a little girl, believed it - or, at least, wanted to believe it.

"Mom?" she said, weakly.

"Oh, Katie," the unmistakable voice of Johanna Beckett uttered. "I am so sorry."

It was surreal and ridiculous but she couldn't think of any other explanation other than her mother was right there, speaking to her - for this was her mother, Johanna Beckett, her face, her movements, her eyes, her voice. She was speaking to a dead woman.

Beckett felt so many things at the same time - shock, disbelief, fear, joy at seeing her mother again, so many different thoughts and feelings at war within her.

"Am I... am I dead?" she asked, voicing her biggest fear. Had she fallen off that rooftop after all? Would she never have a chance to tell Castle how she felt? Would their horrible confrontation the other night be his last memory of her?

The very prospect made her sick to her stomach.

Johanna smiled.

"No, honey, you're still alive."

Beckett stared, still in disbelief that she could even be having this conversation, that this person in front of her was the person she appeared to be, that she had to be. It made no sense.

"Then how are you...?" She trailed off. Maybe she didn't need all the answers. Maybe she didn't want them. She was always seeking the answers - it was what had gotten her into this mess - but maybe she didn't want to know if she was completely insane or if her mother was really here. Frankly, she didn't know which scared her more.

"Katie, you stopped believed in fairy tales or anything supernatural at a very young age," Johanna said. "I don't expect you to start again now. So, let's just say that you are having a hyper-realistic daydream - at night."

A dream. A very intense, vivid dream.

"Did I fall sleep?" Beckett asked.

"No, it's hard to explain," Johanna said. "I think you know this is me, as impossible as it may seem, Katie." She took a good look at her daughter. " I've been with you every step of the way. I've been watching over you. You've reached an important crossroads in your life and I think you need a bit of guidance."

"A crossroads?" Beckett echoed.

"Rick," her mother elaborated.

Beckett stared. She never thought it would be possible to discuss Castle with her mother.

"You know about him?"

"I told you, I have been watching over you," Johanna reminded her. "Not just watching. I've felt everything you've felt. I know all about the pain and the confusion, the anger, the bitterness, the love, the joy, the struggles, the good times, the bad times... All of it, everything you have been through since my death. I'm here to give you some perspective on your situation to help you make your decision."

"My decision?" Beckett asked.

"Your decision whether or not to risk your heart, whether to swallow your pride and go to him, to finally give the incredible connection you share with him a chance," Johanna said.

"Incredible connection?" Beckett asked.

"Now, Katie, you're a stubborn girl but you're no dummy. You must know by now how you feel about him."

"I know I have feelings for him - "

"You've had feelings for other men. What is it about this man that makes him different? What is it that stopped you from pursuing the man who called himself Cole Maddox? How were you able to walk away from the job that's kept you going for so long? You must know, Katie. On some level, you must know that it's more than just love. There's something else, something so incredibly rare between you two. It's what drew you together, and kept you together for so long. I'm here to help you decide if it's worth exploring that connection, or if it's time to move on."

"How?" Beckett asked.

"With a little help from Mr. Dickens," Johanna replied.

"Charles Dickens?" Beckett looked around. "He's not here, too, is he?"

Johanna chuckled.

"No, that's actually a common misconception. Not all dead people know each other. There wouldn't be much peace for famous people in the afterlife if the rest of us could just bother them all willy nilly. I simply mean that Mr. Dickens served as my inspiration. So, Katie, you will be visited by three spirits -"

Beckett groaned.

"Seriously? Isn't that trope a little overdone?"

"Well, Katie, it's not every day your dead mother comes back from the grave to help you out. I'd be grateful, if I were you," Johanna said, pretending to be stung.

"Well, obviously, I'm hallucinating, or - imagining this, like you said," Beckett said. If this was really her mother, she'd be reacting a lot differently. If this was really her mother, she, Kate Beckett, would be sobbing in her arms and asking her what to do, begging her to stay, telling her how much she loved her - but that wasn't possible.

"In that case, blame your own imagination - or, lack thereof," Johanna said as she looked down at her wrist. Beckett noticed she was wearing a watch.

"You still have to keep track of time in the afterlife?" Beckett asked dryly.

"Only when I'm on this plane," Johanna said.

"How does that even work? Is it like a portal or some kind or is there a taxi service for the departed?"

"I'm here because you need me, Katie. "

Beckett stared at her.

"Because I need you? Where were you all the other times I needed you?" She fought back tears. She'd better not be yelling at a swing-set, because that would be embarrassing. Then again, did she even care about that any more? Did she even care what she looked like? Did she even care about anything other than the fact that she had probably blown it with Castle?

"I've always been here, Katie. I'm always here for you. But up until now, you weren't ready to see me like this."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Beckett asked.

"Something changed inside of you today," Johanna said. "Something shifted. I know you felt it. That shift is what makes it possible for me to be here. You wouldn't be receptive to what I have to tell you, what the three other spirits will have to show you, if you hadn't gone through everything you've gone through to get here. Hopefully, after tonight, you'll have a better understanding of what it all means, what all of this has been leading up to, so you'll be able to make an informed decision."

"An informed decision?" Beckett said. "You make it sound so... Clinical."

"I may have expired fifteen years ago, Katie, but I haven't lost my lawyer's instincts. I won't tell you to follow your heart. That's terrible advice. What I will suggest is that you review the evidence and make the best decision for both you and Rick. Do you think you can do that?"

Beckett tried to process the information.

"I... I don't know."

"Well, you'd better figure it out, because your first guest should be arriving soon."

"Wait... You're not staying?" Beckett asked, surprising herself with her own disappointment.

"I'll be back to check on your progress, but for now, I do have to go."

"Do you really have to?" Whether or not it was really her mother, it seemed so much like her. She was so vivid, she seemed so real, and Beckett wasn't ready to let her go just yet.

"Katie, you're not going to learn what you need to if I'm here distracting you," Johanna pointed out. "I've selected three spirits that I think will be able to guide you on this journey much better than I can."

"Who are these spirits?" Beckett asked.

"You'll see soon enough," Johanna said. "I won't ruin the surprise for you. I do need to be going though."

"No, wait," Beckett said. "Just a bit longer?"

She smiled. Beckett felt a jolt of electricity go through her spine as her mother stroked her hair, making physical contact that should be impossible.

"We're on a tight schedule here, Katie," she said apologetically. "I promise you, I'll be back, but for now, you I have to let you do this without me."

"Wait - " Beckett said in desperation.

"Good luck, Honey," Johanna said, an odd combination of wistfulness and hope in her eyes. "I love you."

Before she could ask her mother anything else, she was gone, leaving her daughter alone and confused in the rain.

**Before you get mad at me for starting a new story when I have five WIPs already, I a****lways do a Christmas fic. I did two in 2012 and one in 2013. Ok, technically, "Kate Beckett's Twelve Days of Christmas" was more of a poem, but the point is, Christmas fics, like my April fool's Day fics, have become something of a tradition for me. I believe the idea I have will easily fill the 15,000 word requirement for the winter ficathon and since I got the prompt from their Tumblr account, I figured I'd give it a go. So, what the heck? Let's see what happens!**


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